Funny comedian

January 31, 2010 on 11:31 am | In Jokes, Lori's journal, funny stuff | No Comments

Jokes

January 30, 2010 on 10:39 am | In Jokes, Lori's journal, funny stuff | 1 Comment

taliban_scud

YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…”

  1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
  2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
  3. You have more wives than teeth.
  4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
  5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
  6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
  7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
  8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
  9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
  10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

Funny

January 20, 2010 on 1:49 pm | In Jokes, Lori's journal, funny stuff | No Comments

jokes_1

The power of prayer

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike.

Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way.

So I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me.

The gift of love

My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!”

She looked at me and yelled, “You did this to me, you bastard!”

I casually replied, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, ‘That would hurt too much’.”

Modern medicine

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.

She told me that I had to quit masturbating.

I asked why and she said, “Because I’m trying to examine you.”

A  love story

My girlfriend and I were making love when she looked up at me and said, “Make love to me like in the movies.”

So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.

I never saw her again after that night. I guess we don’t watch the same movies.

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